You and I, we’re cool for the summer as we prepare for WWE’s summertime version of WrestleMania; it’s SummerSlam and it’s coming to us LIVE from Brooklyn, New York this year! Yes, after splitting the rent with the Grammy Awards at the Staples Center for the last few years, SummerSlam has switched up the venue and given us a card that actually looks kind of promising. Now, yesterday, I posted my very first Forecast article, predicting the outcomes of tonight’s NXT TakeOver: Brooklyn card and next Saturday will see my third Forecast article (and my first one surrounding an award show) posted as I predict the winners of the MTV Video Music Awards. But today, were focused on the happenings of the Jon Stewart-hosting, Demi Lovato-theme-song-having, woken-from-hibernation-Undertaker-having, Diva-revolution-pushing, four-hour long, NY-held extravaganza that will be the 2015 SummerSlam!
Tag Team Championship:
Prime Time Players [C] vs. New Day vs. Los Matadores vs. Lucha Dragons
The Backstory: The Prime Time Players and New Day have been to war over the Tag Team Championship for a while now. PTP defeated New Day for the titles a couple of months back when the New Day act was starting to get over with the fans as this despicable heel trio. PTP beat them in a rematch, but New Day won’t drop the grudge until they’re champions again. And Lucha Dragons and Los Matadores are here because…reasons. Look, both these teams are amazing in-ring performers, but they were just thrown in for maximum spot-fest potential, let’s be honest.
Who I Want to Win: New Day; let’s clap for the hopefully two-time champs and FEEEEL THE POOOOOWAH!!!
Who Will Win: New Day; I’m happy that the PTP got that Tag Team Championship reign I was hoping they’d get after all this time, but New Day got so much heat at this point that not giving them the titles would be a crime.
Ryback [C] vs. Big Show vs. The Miz
The Backstory: This match was supposed to happen at Battleground; but a staph infection (along with the curse the Intercontinental Title seems to have placed on it these days) sidelined the champion, causing WWE to replace its spot on the card with a segment where The Miz runs his mouth and gets punched in the face. Now that Ryback is healed, this match is back on. Probably not the most anticipated match on the card, but at least the IC Title is being defended.
Who I Want to Win: The Miz. He’s the most entertaining guy in the whole thing.
Who Will Win: Ryback. WWE will probably even try to get him to Shell-Shock Miz and Big Show simultaneously if he could.
Family vs. Family
Roman Reigns & Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper & Erick Rowan
The Backstory: Ask Dean Ambrose and he’ll tell you this goes back to the days of The Shield and The Wyatt Family as trios, when they put on a couple of classic six-man tags against each other. Well, the bad blood has boiled over into their post-trios careers as Bray has worked hard to make life miserable for both Reigns and Ambrose. Throw in the fact that Luke Harper has rejoined the man who “saved” him and we have a compelling tag team encounter.
Who I Want to Win: The Brothas and Coffee Buddies, Ambrose & Reigns!
Who Will Win: The Wyatt Family; I hear the reason Erick Rowan is out is because he’s injured. But if he comes back and screws Ambrose and Reigns, don’t be surprised.
Arrows vs. Cosmos
Neville & Stephen Amell vs. King Barrett & Stardust
The Backstory: Stephen Amell is the star of the CW superhero drama Arrow, where he shoots bad guys with arrows in the name of justice, undergoes numerous flashbacks, and occasionally hooks up with Felicity Smoak. Sounds like a hell of a gig, right? However, one has to wonder if Stardust realizes the show is fictional as he’s targeted Amell for months before their big confrontation recently after Neville (a man portrayed as s superhero by WWE) defeated the increasingly wasted King Barrett. Amell (a legit wrestling fan) took the fight to Stardust and the match was made. (Side Note: I’m not the only one who notices this is kind of a JBL & Cole Show reunion for the former Cody and the former Wade, right?)
Who I Want to Win: The Arrows. I don’t know what kind of moves Stephen plans to pull out on Sunday, but I can’t wait to see them. Plus, the match is sure to end with a Red Arrow.
Who Will Win: The Arrows; when has WWE ever had a celebrity lose on their programming. Keep in mind Maria Menounos has a 4-0 winning streak in WWE. Also, Barrett loses all the time now; this won’t be any different.
Battle of the ROH Standouts
Kevin Owens vs. Cesaro
The Backstory: One used to wrestle under the name “Claudio”. The other used to wrestle with the last name “Steen”. They’ve both risen to the point of the midcard in their WWE careers so far and have managed to turn in great matches with John Cena in 2015 before ultimately losing to him (and being buried, according to people who have forgotten what that word means). Well, their feud mostly came from that angle as the two have been at odds since; I believe Cesaro even implied that Owens was a coward once. And he’s not completely wrong; Cesaro using the “I didn’t tap; I lived to fight another day” excuse may have been cowardly, but it’s also a bonafide heel move.)
Who I Want to Win: Cesaro. Dude’s been on fire lately.
Who Will Win: Kevin Owens. Despite the fact that Owens might be exhausted after his match at NXT TakeOver less than 24 hours earlier, I feel like he might take the W here.
Three-Team Elimination Tag
Team PCB vs. Team B.A.D. vs. Team Bella
The Backstory: Ronda Rousey and the U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team introduced the Diva Revolution when WWE decided to ride the buzz they garnered by finally giving their Divas talent a spotlight. But Stephanie McMahon introduced it on-screen because, you know, the McMahons gotta get credit for everything. And thus, three trios of Divas were born and since then, they’ve put on some pretty decent matches regardless of the fact that there doesn’t seem to be much of a story going on. And this version of the Smackdown Six (Diva Nine?) will finally meet 3-on-3-on-3 for the first time this Sunday. (BTW, by “elimination”, they mean the whole team is gone when one person gets pinned, not that they’re eliminating people one by one. Kinda disappointing, but again, bright side, at least were getting a Divas match and not an out-of-place dodgeball game.)
Who I Want to Win: Paige, Becky Lynch, and Charlotte; the team formerly known as the Submission Sorority for about four minutes features Queen Paige and Misty-As-The-Leader-Of-The-Digi-Destined Becky, so I’m almost contractually obligated to cheer for them.
Who Will Win: Hmm…that’s hard to say. I kinda feel like Team Bella is gonna win to make Nikki look ultra-strong going into breaking AJ’s longest title reign record (and it’s going to happen, let’s not front here). Then again, I feel like WWE really wants to push Charlotte or Sasha for the title (personally, I’d prefer Sasha cause HELLO! BOSS!). So why not have one of them score the win over the champion to get a shot? Yeah, this is the hardest one to predict.
Show-Off vs. Bulgarian Brute:
Dolph Ziggler (with Lana) vs. Rusev (with Summer Rae)
The Backstory: Rusev started treating Lana like crap with sexist statements, Lana had enough of it and kicked Rusev to the curb, using Ziggler as a rebound boyfriend. Rusev himself rebounded with Hot Summer (his name for her), who started dressing like Lana to play mind games. After Rusev injured Ziggler, Lana and Summer engaged in a few catfights. Summer tried to break Lana’s back two weeks ago, so this past Monday, Lana seemingly tried to dislocate Summer’s jaw as she attacked Summer’s beautiful face with both a Pimp Slap and a Karate Kick. Ziggler them returned to confront Rusev and the match we were all waiting for was made: Ziggler & Lana vs. Rusev & Summer…naw, not really. Just the guys are doing battle. Dammit, will we ever see Lana vs. Summer?
Who I Want to Win: I was really hoping Summer Rae vs. Lana would happen…I mean, I guess Ziggler maybe…
Who Will Win: Dolph Ziggler. He just came back and will not lose. Plus, need I remind you, Lana and Summer got beef, so Lana is gonna embarrass Summer in some fashion.
Randy Orton vs. Sheamus
The Backstory: Ugh…Randy Orton and Sheamus, in my opinion the wrestling equivalent of Lana Del Rey: the talent is there, but it’s slathered with a thick coat of boredom. They’ve faced off one-on-one a bunch of times and pretty much every time was boring as all hell; the only time I’ve liked one of their matches was when fans were chanting irrelevant stuff over it. Since then, they’ve continued to cross paths and I have no idea why. I don’t even know why they’re feuding now other than having nothing better to do. Sheamus is stalling time until it’s time to cash in MiTB and Orton is there because he’s popular and needs to be on the show in some capacity.
Who I Want to Win: Orton because I’m more of a fan of his.
Who Will Win: Orton because Mr. Money in the Banks loses all the time, so I’m not taking chances with this one.
Beast vs. Phenom
Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman)
The Backstory: Brock Lesnar faced The Undertaker at WrestleMania XXX in a match that was almost as bad as his WrestleMania XX match against Goldberg a decade earlier, where the post-match stunners from Steve Austin was the best part of it. The only thing that made this match stand out was that Lesnar ended the Deadman’s legendary WM winning streak. Both men wrestled on WM this year; Lesnar lost his title to Seth Rollins while Undertaker wrestled a not-that-bad, but-not-show-stealing match against Bray Wyatt. Yet for some reason, Undertaker decided not to get revenge on Lesnar until now. I wonder what ‘Taker was doing so long that he put this off until now; maybe he was too busy catching up on Empire and The 100 (which you ALL must do today.)
Who I Want to Win: The Undertaker! No offense to Brock, but a Deadman victory on SummerSlam would be awesome.
Who Will Win: Fun Fact: The Undertaker has NEVER defeated Brock Lesnar on PPV. NEVER. However, I’m gonna take a chance and say that I feel like this is gonna be the first time and Undertaker will get his win back and retire in peace (or not). So yes, I’m going with Undertaker.
Title vs. Title
Seth Rollins [C] vs. John Cena
The Backstory: It’s been refreshing not seeing John Cena in the main title feud for once. Seth Rollins has been able to shine (so to speak) as a champion without fear of Cena derailing his momentum. But after months of putting other guys over without actually losing to them, Main Event Cena is back and he’s coming for Seth’s title! And he’s even hungrier after Rollins went and turned Cena’s nose into a waterpark swirly slide. If Cena wins this, he ties Ric Flair’s 16-time World Champion record, something fans the world over are dreading. But will it actually happen?
Who I Want to Win: Seth Rollins; for the record, no, I’m not against the idea of Cena tying Flair’s record. But after so long in the main event, I’ve been enjoying his midcard run. Sure, he’d return without a title after this if he loses, but given his legacy, that’s not a bad thing. Plus, Seth Rollins, Triple-Crown Champion!
Who Will Win: Originally, I was just gonna type “Folks…it’s gonna happen…and there’s nothing you can do about it” and provide a hyperlink to a “Cena Wins LOL” video. But that was until I realized that John Cena hasn’t won at SummerSlam since 2010. That’s FOUR years straight of SummerSlam losses. So the chances are in Rollins’ favor; whether he wins fair and square or by cheating, I predict that Seth Rollins will definitely get the victory on Sunday. However, if I’m wrong and Cena does win, I’m slapping myself for being so gullible.