When I was younger, Hell in a Cell was a brutal match type that served as the ultimate feud-ending bloodbath; no, they weren’t always very entertaining, but the brutality often spoke for itself in driving home the bad blood the competitors had for each other. Also when I was younger, the first October PPV was No Mercy, a standard B-level show that was Smackdown-exclusive for a little while. Now, I’m a full-fledged adult, Hell in a Cell is now as least-threatening of a match type as it possibly can be, and it has taken No Mercy’s spot as the official October PPV. And this Sunday, said PPV comes to us live on the WWE Network with a card full of exciting(?) bouts for the audience in L.A. And as with all wrestling-themed FearlessRiOT Forecasts, it’s time to look over these feuds and matches and predict (likely incorrectly) who will come out on top. Let’s get started!
Dean Ambrose & Randy Orton vs. Braun Strowman & Luke Harper
The Backstory: None, because they cancelled this match this week for a reason that hasn’t completely been explained to me (aside from a little article on Uproxx), so I’m wasting character space even talking about it. Even when it was scheculed, something didn’t feel right about this match being scheduled to happen on the pre-show. Sadly, stuff like this seems commonplace for Ambrose, Strowman, and Harper given that the latter two are basically henchmen and WWE’s booking of Ambrose is just as odd as the character itself, but Randy Orton competing on the pre-show? That’s as peculiar as Fandango competing in the main event! Well, like Fandango, we can’t look forward to this match happening on Sunday.
Who I Want to Win: Doesn’t matter because the match isn’t happening; you’re wasting your time reading this one like I wasted my time writing it. I only kept this in cause I already had half the “Backstory” part written a week before the PPV and I liked the writing it so much I didn’t want it to go to waste, so I just changed it up a bit. It’s ultimately useless.
Who Will Win: Just…move to the next match;
Dolph Ziggler, Neville, & Cesaro vs. Sheamus, King Barrett, & Rusev
The Backstory: This match happened this past Monday, and since they need a new pre-show match, they’re gonna do it again. That’s it.
Who I Want to Win: Ziggler, Neville, and Cesaro because I wanna see Neville and Cesaro win some more.
Who Will Win: Barrett, Sheamus, and Rusev most likely, with Summer Rae and Tyler Breeze having a hand in it.
WWE United States Championship
John Cena vs. ?????
The Backstory: John Cena’s United States Championship Open Challenges have been some of the best things about WWE television this year, so when he won the United States Championship back at Night of Champions, I was actually really happy about it. Lately, John Cena has mostly been feuding with the New Day, but with them occupied with Bubba Ray and D-Von, I doubt they’ll answer Cena’s challenge on Sunday. Then again, that’s only Kofi and Big E in the Tag Team Championship match. Maybe Xavier will step up again? If not, there’s plenty of other people left off HIAC who could use a match: Cesaro, Neville, Stardust, Dean Ambrose, Heath Slater. The list goes on.
Who I Want to Win: The mystery opponent because of Cena’s reported upcoming break.
Who Will Win: Maybe the mystery opponent for that exact reason; it’d make sense, especially if the mystery opponent insults Cena while he’s gone, pumping Cena up for retribution. Then again, maybe WWE will let Cena take the title on break with him. We’ll see what happens.
Kevin Owens © vs. Ryback
The Backstory: The backstory to this one is actually pretty simple: former champion Ryback wants his title back from Kevin Owen. Aside from that, I don’t think I have anything else to add to that. Kevin Owens has spent most of his time as champion so far butting heads with people who aren’t Ryback; not that it’s a bad thing because WWE knows forcing them to face each other over and over again may send the ratings even more into freefall. And to be honest, his matches with the Lucha Dragons and others have been highly entertaining to watch; and even though Kevin Owens’ persona presents him as even more of a bully than usual, you still wanna see what he’s gonna do. But he’s facing an ever-hungry competitor in Ryback, so will his title reign be cut short against the Master of the Feed-Me-More?
Who I Want to Win: Kevin Owens; his reign is just beginning and I feel like he can get more out of it.
Who Will Win: Kevin Owens for the same exact reason that I want him to win.
WWE Tag Team Championship
The New Day © vs. The Dudley Boyz
The Backstory: I can just copy-paste what I said about this match for Night of Champions, can’t I? Because pretty much nothing has changed between then and now; the legendary duo from Dudleyville are still chasing after the tag team gold that is currently held by the most entertaining act on WWE television today. OK, maybe there are two differences between NOC and HIAC: one is New Day’s title defense count as they defended their titles against the Dudleyz on the live MSG special a while back and managed to escape with the titles intact via weasel tactics. This is enough to grant Bubba Ray and D-Von another title match, and to prove that they’re not playing games, they’ve up their table fatality count, the second big difference between NOC and HIAC. Xavier Woods has been the victim of this table abuse on more than one occasion. Gee, the #SaveTheTables movement really isn’t working out, is it? And the fact that it’s not is just plain booty.
Who I Want to Win: The New Day; I truly wouldn’t mind them having the titles for a really, really long time.
Who Will Win: Probably the Dudleyz; they’ve chased the belts for a bit and WWE will probably feel like it’s time to grant them their first WWE Tag Team Championship in over a decade.
WWE Divas Championship
Charlotte © vs. Nikki Bella
The Backstory: Charlotte won the Divas Title from Nikki Bella and Nikki invoked her rematch clause. That’s basically the entire story. Let’s face it, this match hasn’t exactly gotten much buildup over the last few weeks as the center of attention in the main roster Divas Division has been the recent attitudinal turn-around of Paige, who turned heel by criticizing how the entire Division has been run and ruining Charlotte’s moment in the process. Meanwhile, Nikki has had more interaction with Team B.A.D. than she has with Charlotte since the last special. Charlotte’s title run is barely even a month old and already it’s being treated like an afterthought. OK, so the Divas Revolution isn’t perfect by any stretch, but we can still get a good match out of these two, right?
Who I Want to Win: Charlotte, just because her reign has been so underwhelming lately, I want her to hold it longer out of the hopes it’ll get better.
Who Will Win: Charlotte; she’s not losing it this soon.
Hell in a Cell Match
Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt
The Backstory: Bray Wyatt has been tormenting Roman Reigns since all the way back at Money in the Bank. In the beginning, it was kind of hard to understand why apart from the fact that Bray Wyatt just loves to pick his feuds out of a straw hat apparently; he bought Roman’s daughter into it for a few weeks, Dean Ambrose has gotten involved to even out the numbers, and Braun Strowman emerged out of it. This has been a long feud and for some fans, it’s probably felt even longer if the boring chants during Roman Reigns’ promo a while back are to be believed. Yes, the fans have once again turned against Roman Reigns because he’s being portrayed as something they don’t want to see and he’s going against a much more charismatic (if not repetitive and increasingly predictable) hillbilly cult leader. But with the match taking place inside the cell, hopefully Roman can settle the score within the confines of the demonic structure.
Who I Want to Win: Roman Reigns; not like it’ll effect Roman who’ll just move on to Neville or somebody next like he don’t care. Roman, meanwhile, can use this as another obstacle in his race up the top of the WWE mountain, whether fans like it or not.
Who Will Win: Roman Reigns. Believe that!
WWE World Heavyweight Championship
Seth Rollins vs. Kane
The Backstory: Despite overcoming every obstacle placed in front of him, Seth Rollins continues to act like the most disloyal, fool ass, bitch-made punk to ever hold the WWE Championship, and that includes JBL in 2004. Oftentimes, his efforts to escape situations alive leads to members of his support system getting hurt, including Kane getting his ankle demolished at the hands of Brock Lesnar. Kane recently returned as the masked demon, but also plays the role of the normal Director of Operations he’s been playing the last couple years, only with a way more hilariously chipper demeanor. Yes, it’s a split personality thing, kinda like Joseph “Abyss” Park in TNA. This has led to a number of segments on RAW and Smackdown; some actually pretty funny, some insultingly stupid, and some just straight-up cartoonish. And in one of these segments, Stephanie makes the ruling that if Demon Kane loses his match, Corporate Kane is fired.
Who I Want to Win: Seth Rollins; I don’t mind Kane getting one final title reign before retiring, but not for this material.
Who Will Win: Seth Rollins. He’s gonna hold this belt for a while.
Hell in a Cell Match
Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
The Backstory: Brock Lesnar and Undertaker have been at war with each other since 2002, but only their feud dating back to WrestleMania XXX is being spotlighted. It was the night Lesnar ended Undertaker’s WrestleMania streak and it would be about a year-and-a-half before Undertaker woke from his hibernation to get his revenge. He’d constantly try to cause Lesnar erectile dysfunction by repeatedly giving him low blows and would eventually defeat him in a SummerSlam main event with the wonkiest of all wonky finishes. Now these two men will go at it in (what we can only assume will be) one final match to determine who is the better man. And while the buildup to this match has been lacking due to Undertaker’s inability to show up to lesser important episodes of television, the names alone sell the match, right?
Who I Want to Win: Um…Undertaker, I guess. Brock’s beaten him on PPV numerous times if you count their battles in 2002 and 2003; let him have a second victory.
Who Will Win: Probably Brock Lesnar as a way for Undertaker to put over this young talent on the way out the doo…oh, wait.
Do you agree with the forecast? Who do you see winning at Hell in a Cell? Who are you rooting for to win? Tag me on Twitter @FearlessRiOT and let me know or leave a comment below. Then check out Hell in a Cell on the WWE Network this Sunday to see which predictions come true. Hope you all enjoy the show!