Yes, you did read that header correctly. This is a Forecast on an upcoming pay-per-view for pro wrestling punching bag Total Nonstop Action, or TNA Impact Wrestling for people who don’t have the time to let out such a mouthful. This company has been the Meg Griffin of wrestling promotions for quite some time now, due largely to the many, many, many missteps they’ve made toward destroying their own once-promising legacy. But as their diehard fans will tell you, 2016 has been one of their better years in recent memory. And as someone who still watches Impact weekly, I have to agree. They’re still not as good as they were back in the 2000’s, but 2016 is the most on-point they’ve been in years, and to some degree, it’s thanks lately to some completely unexpected sources. One problem that they still struggle with though is their financial woes, which has caused them to trim their PPV fat and hold only two or three LIVE ones a year. In fact, given recent internet reports, there is a very distinct possibility that this may possibly be the final PPV TNA ever do. However, we have predicted the end of TNA before and ended up wrong, so maybe they’ll find another bailout this time, probably in the form of Billy Corgan‘s royalty checks assuming people still stream Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness in 2016. Nevertheless, this event, Bound for Glory, the biggest show of their calendar, happens this weekend. And it has potential to be better than the last two events seeing as last year’s World Title match ended up being a waste of time and it wasn’t even defended at BFG 2014 as that was barely even a TNA show at all. I’m gonna throw TNA a bone by tossing my hat in the prediction ring and try to figure out who will walk out victorious.
10-Man Bound For Glory Gauntlet
Tyrus vs. Eli Drake vs. Jessie Godderz vs. Robbie E vs. Mahabali Shera vs. Grado vs. Rockstar Spud vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Baron Dax vs. Basile Baraka
I feel like I’m wasting my time including this match since last year’s proved to be so utterly pointless. It’s not a bad idea for a match; giving ten undercard stars an opportunity to earn a whenever-wherever-for-whatever title shot is basically Money on the Bank without briefcases. But seeing as last year’s winner, Tyrus, STILL hasn’t cashed in his chance a year later, something that TNA actually reminded us about on Impact last week, how seriously can you take it? Is Tyrus defending his title shot? Will he still have it after Sunday or has he reached the expiration date? Why did they forget about his title shot in the first place? Why is he “The Fixer” now? Could he go after the Knockouts Title if he wanted? If he wins again on Sunday, is he owed TWO title shots? So many questions I don’t have the answer to, and probably never will. But nevertheless, he gets to earn another championship opportunity this Sunday.
Who I Want to Win: Eli Drake. Dude’s actually won me over this year and I’d love to see him get closer to the World Title.
Who Will Win: Eli Drake; aside from maybe Tyrus, I just don’t see anyone else in this field winning the title.
TNA Grand Championship
Eddie Edwards vs. Aron Rex
Originally, this was meant to be a match between two talented stars who never got to reach their full potential working for MeekMahon.
The former Damien Sandow
become one of the most over stars WWE had in a while, only for the powers-that-be to give less than -1 cares in the word and make sure he was good and buried before releasing him. His original opponent, Drew Galloway
, went from being a “Chosen One” to a band member
with less rock cred than the 4th most important member of the Naked Brothers Band
in less than five years. Since then, Galloway has won TNA’s top prize and Damien Sandow…..got a name change, but he just arrived in TNA, so give him time. Since Rex walked in, he and Galloway have not gotten along
, and have been at each others throats. Meaning that when they were entered into the Grand Championship Tournament along with the likes of Jesse Godderz
and the highly charismatic judger of dummies Eli Drake
, it was an absolute no-brained these two would make the finals. TNA kind of spoiled us with that one and I’m positive they knew it. But unfortunately for the fighting Scotsman, he recently went down with an injury
, so he’s been replaced by another standout from the tournament in Eddie Edwards
. Better luck next time, Drew.
Who I Want to Win: Aron Rex; he didn’t win a single title in WWE. It’ll be nice to see him win one.
Who Will Win: Aron Rex; they’ve been treating the guy like a huge deal, so it’s obviously he’s got it won.
Moose vs. Mike Bennett
The TNA run of husband-wife duo Mike and Maria Kanellis Bennett has been nine months of entitlement and false miracles. It takes more than just dubbing something a miracle to make it so, and though we have seen some supernatural happenings grace the Impact Zone lately, it’s mainly coming from broken and decayed life forms, not these two self-obsessed motormouths. But if they have worked any miracles since they’ve been on the roster, it’s in kayfabe getting former Indy stars television exposure. Not only did Maria kayfabe bring in Allysin Kay and Cherry Bomb (albeit under completely different names and in the case of Cherry, a completely different persona), but Mike bought in ROH standout Moose. Then they had a massive falling out; it was one of the shortest working relationships I’ve seen in wrestling. Now Moose is striking out on his own and wants to put The Miracle in his place.
Who I Want to Win: Moose! Moose! Moose!
Who Will Win: The Miracle. They’re totally gonna give it to Bennett.
The Great War for the TNA Tag Team Championship
The Decay (C) vs. The Broken Hardyz
Come December, I might actually find myself putting Matt Freaking Hardy
of all people on my Year-End Top 10 Male Wrestlers of 2016 list. This time last year, I was begging him to retire pretty much. Now, I want him to stick around as long as he can, and that’s all thanks to his reinvention as a nonsensical, moaning, funny-talking, insane Tim Burton creation
that has been the main reason to watch TNA this year. After deleting his brother’s old identity
and getting him to join the dark side along with wife Reby
, song (King) Maxel
, the extraordinary xylophone
, and the dilapidated boat
, he’s found himself at odds with another current highlight of TNA programming: The Decay
for Indy fans), and Crazy Steve
are those entertaining goth kids with a twist, in that they actually commit sick and heinous acts, like attempted murder and kidnapping
. This is literally a battle of crazy vs. crazy, pitting the only two tag teams in TNA who matter right now (seriously) against each other. In the end, one team will fade away and classify themselves as obsolete. Too bad this match won’t be happening on the massacre-ready battlefield…or will it? I know they’ve done it already
, but who’s to say they can’t repeat themselves and top it?
Who I Want to Win: I love The Decay, but I gotta give this one to the side with Broken Brilliance.
Who Will Win: The Hardys. Let’s hope if this does happen, though, Jeff doesn’t ruin it by injuring himself again like he did last time.
TNA Knockouts Championship
Maria Kanellis (C) vs. Gail Kim
Good news about the current TNA Knockouts Division: it’s filled with some great talent! If you’ve seen the likes of Mia Yim
, Allysin Kay
, and Cherry Bomb
on the Indys, you’re already aware of how great they are at wrestling and how great their Jade
, and Allie
characters truly can be. And Marti Bell
and Laurel Van Ness
(Tough Enough‘s Chelsea Green
also make up helpful numbers given their experience from WSU
, I’ll let you decide on). The bad news: like Taeler Hendrix
, Lei’D Tapa
, and Santana Garrett
before them, TNA feels really iffy about really pushing on-the-rise Indy girls ahead of former WWE girls and their precious about-to-be Hall of FamerGail Kim
. Hence why Jade, Sienna, and Allie’s recent KO’s Title reigns were all undermined by the presence of current champion, former WWE star, and unexpected hardass Maria KanellisBennett
. It also explains why none of them are booked for matches on Bound for Glory. Instead of those three getting the spotlight to shine, Bennett, who is champion despite not having competed in a single one-on-one match on TNA in here nine months in the company, will defend against (and probably lose to) Gail Kim. On what’s probably the biggest weekend of Gail Kim’s career, she gets the opportunity to destroy the woman who’s been ducking and dodging her since the start of the year.
Who I Want to Win: Jade, Sienna, or Allie. I know they’re not in the match, but I wish they were.
Who Will Win:
Gail Kim; not only because pretty much every Knockouts storyline ends with “Gail Kim Wins! LOL!” nowadays, but also because this is the perfect time for Allie to turn on her abusive boss
. That is, unless TNA somehow forgets to write that part in.
This isn’t necessarily a prediction; it’s just an acknowledgement that Cody [minus last name because WWE got it trademarked] along with his polarizing wife Brandi is debuting in TNA, joining other misused alumni from MeekMahon’s Stamford company. Imagine if MeekMahon ends up buying the company though; it’d be like dumping Comcast for DirecTV, only for DirecTV to then buy Comcast, so you’re either stuck with what you had before or…I dunno, get AT&T or just stick with network television. You get the idea.
TNA World Heavyweight Championship
Bobby Lashley (C) vs. EC3
So if you can get around the fact that his lisp is still very much present and noticeable, it’s really easy to see how much more comfortable and confident Lashley
has gotten on the mic since he’s been in TNA. He’s also gotten better in the ring, which justified him being the top dog in the company and even holding all the gold at one point. Yes, even that useless red strap I prefer to call the Identity Crisis Title
. But one guy who’s always had the gift of gab and comic timing (even back on NXT Season 4
) and can also wrestle despite TNA fans’ contrary claims a year ago: Ethan Carter III
. Say he gets favoritism from his fake TV aunt all you want, but the guy is talented as all hell and is secretly one of TNA’s greatest weapons right now. So it makes sense that he would be challenging Lashley at the biggest show of the year in an attempt to become an E-C-3-Time World Champion. But if that epic press conference
from weeks ago on Impact is any indication, Carter certainly can’t be expecting an easy fight on this night. They don’t call Lashley “The Destroyer” for nothing, so unless Lashley pulls a Jeff Hardy at Victory Road 2011
, but this will be no walk in the park for the former Derrick Bateman.
Who I Want to Win: EC3. I’m always rooting for EC3 to win the World Title back.
Who Will Win: EC3. If anyone can stop The Destroyer at this point, it’s the formetly undefeated One-Percenter.
Do you agree with the forecast? Who is Bound For Glory? Who are you rooting for to win? Can you locate the whereabouts of the X-Division? (Poor DJZ and Trevor Lee.) Or, since everyone is talking about it, will TNA find itself under new leadership? And if so, by who? Billy Corgan? MeekMahon? Tag me on Twitter @FearlessRiOT and let me know or leave a comment below. Then, if you’re still a believer in TNA, tune into their marquee PPV this Sunday!